I just gave a group meeting, i.e. I presented my research from the past 6 weeks.  Total trainwreck... at least the last half hour.  My advisor asked me to go over the mechanism of the polymerization that I that I was talking about and my heart dropped to my stomach.  It's not a feeling that you get very often and one of the worst you can feel.  It's worse than the sinking guilt or the irreversible mistake.  Here you are, standing in front of your colleagues, and you know that you are about to be exposed something of a fraud.  He proceeded to talk me through the mechanism and I showed little to no chemical knowledge, most exemplified by my incorrect drawing or isopropanol.  This is something that a freshman in chemistry knows, this is something that an average joe walking down the street might know; here I am a second year grad student and I couldn't produce.  My oral exams are in less than a year and if I offered up that kind of performance I would be laughed out of the department.  Anyway, just thought I'd share my story; I was totally embarrassed in front of those that I'd most like to have respect me, so maybe the reader of this blog will feel better about himself having read my doleful woeful saga.

Don't worry too much about me though, as with most of my failures this one was a little larger in my head than in reality, though not by much.  I did get some comfort from my fellow labmates, along with their assurance that it wasn't so bad but who can tell if that was just pity.  The one who's opinion I respect most didn't say anything and avoided eye contact as if he was too embarrassed for me or by me to talk.  Guess I need to hit the books.

Fucking cathartic

Here I am on a family vacation, somewhat bored for the first time this wee, perfect time for some blogging...  The whole dynamic of the family get together has been altered.  I used to be the youngest cousin but now all of my cousins are having children so we've had 5 kids under the age of 3 running around all week.  Our family has gone from staying up till all hours, having a few drinks to going to bed at around 10:00 after having a few less drinks.  It's really a shame but one of those things that's not worse, just different.  Not having much experience with babies, it's interesting to see my cousins' personalities being adopting by their children, it's evident even as young as 2 years old.  Also, though I still don't enjoy holding babies (It's like someone offering to let you drive their new Bentley when they don't even know if you have a drivers license), this trip has given me some interesting insight into parenthood which I can hopefully use at some point later in life.

P.S. Candy Bars!

For those of you who among the vast readership of this blog who have not seen "Scott Baio Is 45... And Single" I  highly recommend it.  This former Hollywood hunk is learning that they aren't all happy days as he tries to take charge of his love life and realizes that sometimes finding love is just no fonz.

Seriously though, pretty funny show and one of his best friends is the older brother from The Wonder Years, who apparently is a VH1 reality show fixture.  I've also seen him in an episode of Hogan Knows Best, pitching an energy drink endorsement to the Hulkster, I give it 2 stars out of 4.  Watch it.